HebNurit Dayan
I don't know what I'm doing here, or why we're all cramped and locked in this place, going through all this. I know we don't really belong here, so I wait.
And waiting is really hard here.
The water is contaminated; constantly filthy with remnants of food, excretions, and other things I cannot recognize but my body knows are toxic. I cannot see clearly through the murky water. Visibility is very poor in this thick rancid soup. We're cramped and crowded, and wherever I turn I bump into other fish. Again and again I try to find a quiet corner for myself, somewhere I can simply be… I try to make my way to a calmer place… but in vain.
There's a constant agonizing feeling of suffocation in my throat. I can never breathe freely in this terrible water. Every breath is a struggle.
The constant friction against others bruises my skin. Some wounds heal, others become homes to parasites that settle in them and prevent them from healing. It begins with a continuous maddening itch, and quickly becomes very painful. Now they have spread throughout my entire body, denying me any rest.
I know that we are all suffering. I can feel it wherever I turn. Each of us has something – a severe skin disease, or predatory lice that have eaten through half a face, or worse – something's missing, like a fin or an eye.
Some have submitted to the constant distress and have lost their minds. They swim in constant circles, sometimes becoming extremely violent and aggressive, biting at others. Others have simply sunk into despair. They will not survive this hell very long.
My vision is growing increasingly blurred. From day to day I see less, until I'm finally bathed in darkness. I do not move around much; for each movement is a risk of collision and further injury. It's becoming harder for me to obtain food. My body is growing weaker.
Hunger, the constant itching in my skin, the throbbing pain in my open wounds, the distress, the crowdedness, the suffocation… my soul is tired of all this. When will it end?
A huge force is pulling at me now. The water around me disappears quickly, washing me with it. Everyone pushes and is pushed chaotically. Waves of terror reach me from those taken before me. I am yanked out of the water to encounter a new sense of suffocation; one I've never felt before. It's agonizing and a thousand times worse than the constant shortness of breath in which I lived. I open my mouth again and again, sucking desperately for some oxygen, but my gills are useless out in the air. I need water.
Helplessly, I lie on the conveyor belt, and my body is pushed forward, closer and closer to a dull thumping sound. My body trembles with each thump. I am gripped by terror, here it is, and the sound is very close…. A giant thud crushes my head and my body stiffens.
A searing jab slices through my stomach. I can feel my insides collapse and be ripped out. My gills are torn away. I'm not dead yet. My body is tossed into a tub of ice that keeps me alive. For several long moments I can feel the ice scorching my skin, my lungs burning with suffocation, the open wound in my stomach… until the merciful wave comes along and washes me into the giant sea, the one I have never seen, but yearned for my entire life.
